Nope… I don’t think so. Even though things for the most part are civil between Anja and I, I doubt will be able to be friends. Which is ok with me. I mean… inviting the ex over for dinner with the new partner is probably in the top 5 most awkward things ever. I guess its natural for total separation to take place when getting divorced.
I first realized we couldn’t be friends last week. Anja has been battling herself on what to do with our dog Jade. She was going to keep Jade, after all, I bought Jade for Anja. Jade has been stuck at home for long periods of time lately due to Anja starting a new job father away, and a new life. I had been distancing myself from Jade and not coming around her or playing with her, because giving her up was a hard pill to swallow. Anja decided that taking care of Jade was a little too much for her right now, so I am keeping her. I haven’t been staying home at all lately, so if I was going to keep and take care of Jade she needed to come with me.
As I packed some of Jade’s things I could here Anja crying in the bedroom. Being that I don’t hate Anja and I still have an ounce of compassion left in my body I asked if she needed a hug or anything. Her response was “No offense… but not from you.” Friends console each other, right? She asked me before if we still could be friends… I said I was ok with that. I guess she feels differently about us being friends now. I’m ok with that too.
#1 by Alecto on April 9th, 2008
ok, here’s some unsolicited advice (information, really) from a two time offender (I’m on my third marriage).
1. It takes a lot longer than most people would think to get over and past a marriage, no matter how much you might want to.
2. Distance is often the only way to achieve this.
Given that you do not have children (sorry, Jade doesn’t really count) you have the right and the ability to isolate yourselves from each other. I don’t know any other way to get on with the grieving process, which is exactly what happens for both parties.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this; both of you, and I wish you safety and healing as you move on with your lives. But mostly, be gentle and forgiving of yourself and your feelings.
Man, how’s that for getting all chick on you?
#2 by jimbo on April 10th, 2008
Man… Do you wanna split a pint of ice cream while watching Sex in the City?
You did go a little chicky, but that’s ok. Thanks for the advise.
We are kind to each other, and try to be as understanding to the other’s needs as much as possible. We have our moments though. All and all things are good with us. This was just one situation that really stood out and hit me in the face, ya know?
Thanks again.