As a child my Dad was dropped on his head and stopped breathing. The fire department was able to revive him, but he sustained brain damage. He is learning disabled. In fact, he reads at about a 1st or 2nd grade level. Because of this my Grandmother “babied” him. She did EVERYTHING for him. He became very dependent on her for many things that you or I take for granted. Things like cooking meals, writing checks to pay bills, ect… So when my Grandmother died it really rocked his world. With a lot of help and patience, he is for the most part self sufficient with daily things.
What my dad doesn’t have in book smarts he makes up with street smarts. He was affiliated with the Hell’s Angels, and took care of things financially by hook or by crook. I’m not saying my Dad was a criminal, he held a job as a machine operator for many years. He worked very hard for a very small pay check, but he was always able to pay my Mom her $200 a month in child support up until I turned 13 years old and chose to live with him.
In 2000 my Dad had two heart attacks only weeks apart, and because of the trips to the hospital they also found that he had cancer. Stage five colon cancer none the less. He didn’t have medical insurance, so he never spoke up about the pain. I was 19, and he was a young 41. His life changed a lot right then. No more upper drugs, no smoking (smoking has been a constant battle for him to over come), and he had to start eating a healthier diet. After the removal of several feet of colon, and chemo his caner went into remission, but he’s never been the same. He’s not nearly a strong as he used to, his stomach where the surgery happened still causes him pain, his heart is still weak, has high blood pressure, and gets dizzy if he over exerts himself.
That brings us to today. My Dad lives in wonderful West Pittsburg (or Bay Point if you’re not old school). What a piece of shit town. My entire life its been littered with gang activity, drugs, drive bys, and prostitution. As a child it was a predominantly black community. Now is more of a Hispanic / black mix. Not that this is a bad thing. I grew up in this diverse community, and I appreciate it. The problem isn’t due to race. It’s due to people and their life styles. My dad has a lady, Joann, living with him. I’m not sure what to call her. He’s never made it clear if she’s a care giver, girlfriend, friend, or what ever. But I do know that she gets some type of income, most likely welfare, and help pay for things around the house. My problem is the baggage that Joann brings.
Originally my Dad told me she was his friend, and that she was lesbian. She had a partner that is a crack dealer. Sweet! It’s good to know people with connections, right?! Well, I guess they broke up. This other lady is always calling my Dad’s house looking for Joann. If Joann doesn’t talk to her or go meet up with her as requested things start happening. Things like bricks thrown through living room windows, and truck tires slashed. My Dad was able to get the windows fixed for free from some community agency, and some how paid for new tires. The problem is that the original problem never went away, so what do you think happened? His tires were slashed, and his windows were broken agian.
My Dad caught one of the neighbors messing with his house one morning. He’s a known crack head. So what’s most likely happening is that this other lady is pissed off at Joann, and is paying people in crack to sabotage my Dad. God DAMN this pisses me off! My Dad has even gone so far as to physically fight people that she sends down to look for Joann.
I asked my Dad when enough is enough. I asked when he was going to eliminate his new cancer… Joann. He said that he’s been on his street for the second longest amount of time. It’s “His street”, and nobody is going to run him off. I reminded him that he’s not a strapping young lad, He’s soon to be 49 years old, has a broken down body, and what happens when someone stronger comes and is tweaking on crack? His answer…. “I guess that’s when pride gets in the way.” My reply… “I guess that’s when your FOOLISH pride gets you murdered. Who needs a father anyway?”
#1 by Eternally Curious on September 26th, 2008
Why is it that rejected lesbians are always so damned vindictive? My ex also had a similar “cancer”: his ex (before me, and the natural mother to my step kids) decided – late in their marriage that she was a lesbian(now just how in the HELL does that happen?). Mostly because her new “girlfriend” convinced her so. This person then proceeded to completely isolate and alienate my ex’s ex from her own children! The “girlfriend”, of course, loved it! But later, when the mother thought maybe she wasn’t a lesbian and threw the “girlfriend” out, the [insert not-nice word of choice here] went after the kids! Tried harassing and threatening them, in retribution. Trust me that really backfired on said not-nice-word person! And yes, I got more than a small amount of pleasure out of that, trust me! They are, after all, my step kids!
As to your father, he sounds an awful lot like my ex. Which is to say – he ain’t gonna make any changes until he’s damn good and ready to. And I know you know this. In his mind he is now, and likely always will be, a bad-ass 20 year old. I know you want him safe, but I also know that deep down inside, more than anything else, you just need him to be taken care of. The problem is – you think you need to do that. You don’t, you know. You only need to love him and to let him know that as often and as much as you can. Anything else, including his choices or non-choices in life, are entirely up to him.
Sorry if I’ve intruded – don’t mean to – I just care.
#2 by jimbo anderson on September 26th, 2008
Eternally Curious,
Great words of wisdom. Thank you.
Its hard for me to let go. I’m an only child, and I’m all he has in this world. Me living 600+ miles away makes it that much more hard for me as well.
I have learned to let him make his choices, but each choice(or non-choice as you put it) isn’t easy. I only want the best for him, much like how he only wanted the best for me when I was younger.
Thank you again for your words.
#3 by theKirkness on September 29th, 2008
wow you out-long-worded jimbo with your reply.
sorry to hear man. I’m just down the road now. I’d say come live with me but we dont have the room.
we have peaceful mexicans as neighbors in central pitt… but west pitt is rough.
Being a Martinez native for 31 years, i started to feel like it was “my” town. but there’s some low lifes and punk ass kids down town that scare the shit out of me.
so i know the feeling of it being “his street” but those crack heads dont give a fuck. no fucking respect. and if you got some crazy bitch telling her crackies someone at your house is keeping them from it.. you got problems.
fuck now i’m out-wording you. shit.