Archive for category Humor
Interview Over
I just got done with the interview. I think it went very well. I had them smiling, laughing, nodding their heads and agreeing with me. After my interview my manger pulled the whole team, sans me, into the conference room to discus the candidates.
So, here I sit all alone writing this blog.
Now it’s just a waiting game.
We missed you!
Posted by jim in Humor, Work, Work Time Antics on May 18th, 2009
My co-worker has been in So. Cal for the last week running around Disneyland. I bet he thinks he was the only one having fun while he was gone… Wrong!
Friday after noon + his cubical + 300ft of hot pink twine = One hell of a good time! What do you think? Good times?
*** Update ***
Kent came into work and climbed through all of the twine and had a seat. I thought for sure he would cut it away first thing. He is currently un-stringing his desk with the goal of not needing scissors.
Things NOT to do while pooping!
Do not call you mother and wish her a Happy Mother’s Day while pooping. She has dealt with enough of your shitty situations throughout your life time.
A little Friday funny
I know I’ve posted this before, but its so damn funny. I always laugh every time I watch it. I love Who’s Line Is It Anyway, but this is the best episode of it.
Things NOT to do while pooping!
Do NOT! I repeat. Do NOT run in place while pooping. Running in place while pooping is really just going to make things messier. Although you think your saving time by multitasking, your really wasting time by creating more clean up. Heaven forbid if you have a hairy ass. You could be there all damn day wiping your soon to be irate cornhole. If you must flex your multitasking muscle, do yourself a favor, and pick up a dumbbell. Doing a few curls couldn’t hurt.
Cat’s Away, Mice Will Play
Posted by jim in Humor, Photo Blog, Work Time Antics on March 13th, 2009
Our boss has been out of the office for the last two days, so we (mostly me) came up with a little prank. I like to call it the “Cup and Marble Maneuver”. Here are the steps I took to pull it off.
- I went to the dollar store and bought a bunch of paper cups
- Went to 2 other stores looking for a bag of marbles. Old fashion marbles are hard to find it the age of electronic toys. I even contemplated using gum balls.
- I filled one cup with marbles, placed a piece of paper on it, flipped it upside down, placed it on the desk and pull the piece of paper out from under it.
- Placed the remaining cups around her cube (There is still some cups in her drawer that she hasn’t found).
- Sat down at my desk and thought that she might get suspicious that all of the cups were empty, and start testing them to see if one was filled with something. (Maybe I was over paranoid.)
- Had a powwow with my teammates about what I should hide in the other cups.
- Print off a bunch of clean SFW jokes.
- Cut the sheet of jokes into individual jokes.
- Fold up the jokes and randomly place them under the cups.
- Wait for boss lady to come back on Friday.
This worked GREAT! She was surprised and over analyzed it. She questioned “Why cups? Did I leave my cup somewhere?” Then she moved a cup and found a joke and laughed. Moved some more cups and found more jokes. Soon she was lifting the cups up like a mad woman, and BAM! The marbles crashed to the desk and floor. SUCCESS!
Man I love a good prank. Happy Friday!
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- The set up
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- Cup Placement
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- Cup Placement 2
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- Cup Placement 3
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- She Spilled the Marbles
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- The Clean Up
Hey Kirk!!! Jack’s back!!! Jack’s back!!!
After I read Kirk’s blog yesterday I was depressed about Jack’s death, but then I saw this!
In Bed?
You go to a Chinese restaurant, gorge yourself silly, crack open your fortune cookie, read your fortune, add “in bed” to the end of it and chuckle , right? Of course you do. We all do.
Last time I “in bed”ed my fortune I didn’t chuckle. Instead I swallowed hard, and hoped that this fortune, like all of its predecessors, would be untrue. My fortune read “Things are not always what them seem. It’s not that bad!”
Lets “in bed” that bad boy. “Things are not always what them seem. It’s not that bad in bed!” WHAT?! Things are not what the seam in bed? EFF THAT! What a crappy fortune! I want a refund! Or at least a do over!
Things NOT to do while pooping
Do not fill out Valentine cards while pooping, unless its for the people you hate.
Accepting Donations
My whole life I’ve been plagued with what I like to call a “non-ass”. My non-ass is where my back goes straight down, indents slightly, and then connects to my leg. Please see the diagram to the right. Due to my non-ass I can NEVER keep my pants up. With each pound lost this problem gets worse and worse. I tighten my belt so tight that I lose feeling in my toes, but my pants still fall down below my ass. I also have to replace my belt ever couple of months because I have it so tight that the holes get stretched out and the belt rips.
Belts, elastic wastes bands and draw strings don’t work. The only thing that does work is suspenders, but I can’t bring myself to rock a pair of those… Either I’m far to cool to wear them, or they are far too cool for me to wear. I haven’t figured it out yet. The way I see it I have two options. I could start my own clothing line and make underwear out of sandpaper / grip tape, but that might be a little to scratchy on the boys, and most likely my pants would just bring my shorts down with them, or I could get butt implants to create a luscious buttock that will gently hold my pants up in their proper position. Option two seams like the most logical option, no?
So, I need your help. I’m poor and can’t afford the implants on my own. I could start a PayPal donation account, and you (My wonderful readers that never comment. Oh yea, I know you’re there. I have trackers!) could donate and help me! Sounds great right?! Let me sweeten the deal… Anyone that donates $1,000.00 or more… I’ll tattoo your name on my new and improved ass.
If you’ll excuse me. I’m off to research PayPal.