Posts Tagged Divorce

A New Year A Coming

Posted by jim in Divorce, Uncategorized on December 31st, 2008

What a year. I’m pleased that this year has come to an end. 2008 really helped me find myself again, so I can’t say that I hated it, but I can be glad its over.

This last year I realized I wasn’t happy and made some changes. Changes that may have hurt other people, but changes that were necessary. In the long run these changes will (and have) prove to be the best for all. No regrets.

Let’s recap 2008:

Learned to install a floating floor system.
Learned to patch drywall.
Learned that some fuses in a car are bolted on.
Realized that I was not happy with life, love, or the thought of the future.
Asked for a divorce.
Recorded a great demo with a great friend (I still need to record vocals. I’m a slacker! I hope Mike and I work together more in the future.).
Learned that Satan is spelled with 4 letters.
Got a divorce.
Lost a lot of belongings.
Realized that belongings mean nothing.
Found love and what feels like my first real adult relationship.
Struggled (ok, maybe not struggled, but it’s been quite the learning experience) with becoming a parental figure.
Got a cross training at work with prospects of a full time position.
Got healthier (and will continue to do so in ’09).
Drove with snow chains on for the first time in my life.
Witnessed over a foot of snow fall on a city (My previous record was about 5 inches).

Good times! I can’t wait for ’09!

Happy New Years! (Sorry Kirk. I had to throw that S in there for you!)

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As Aerosmith said…

Posted by jim in Divorce on September 5th, 2008

“But that’s all in the past. Like a check that’s in the mail”

This, with any luck, will be my last post about my divorce. If Anja follows through with what was agreed on, then there will be nothing else to say. After serving her with final divorce papers she filed a request to over turn part of the judgment and let her provide her side of the story. She didn’t contest the divorce, but rather the belongings that she stole (Oregon is not a Community Property State. She stole.). She said they were no longer in her possession. So the judge over turned part of the ruling.

On Aug. 27th we met in court. The judge said there was two ways to deal with things. The legal technical way, or an agreement. He thought we would end up taking the technical way because of the disagreement. I really don’t give a damn about most of what she took. The couch, bed, desk, ect… They’re all memories of a life that is dead and gone. What I cared about was my music equipment. The judge asked me what it was I was looking for. Anja said she didn’t have it, but wanted to know if I would take a cash settlement. I agreed. I advised the judge of what the approximate replacement value was, then he asked her if that seamed ok. Anja agreed and they then said “Would he be willing… (I guess she turned towards me. I didn’t look at her.) Would you be will to accept $200 monthly payments?” I agreed. I didn’t expect her to have nearly a grand in cash just waiting to give to me, so payments seamed like the best option.

This isn’t a money award… yet. It’s an agreement. Anja has until Oct. 1st 2008 to make her first of 5 monthly payments. If she doesn’t make the payments then I can go back to court and file for a money award.

On a complete asshole note… It makes me feel good to know that she has 5 monthly reminders of her doing, and an apartment filled with reminders of our decaying carcass life together. I couldn’t imagine napping on that couch and dreaming of the past, or sleeping in the bed that has her body imprint on it. She can hold those memories near and dear if she wants, but for me… Good bye and good riddance.

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I got a text from a friend.

Posted by jim in Divorce on July 11th, 2008

Friend: Anja just sent me a text.
Me: What did she say?
Friend: fwd: “I’m finaly divorced from that looser jim!!!!!! As of July 7th I was made a free woman! I Thank u Washington County court systems for a swift judgment!!!”

Truth be told… She was a free woman July 1st. I went to the court house on July 1st file contempt of court for her not abiding to the petition for divorce I filed. The petition stated that assets and insurances were frozen and no changes were allowed before the final judgement with out written consent from the other party. After talking to the legal help at the court house I found out that doing that would just prolong our marriage and divorce until judgement was passed for the contempt of court. Did I want to prolong my marriage? NO! So I went for Option B.

Option B was to file for an emergency finalization. Anja never filed her paper work after I served her with my petition for divorce, so the divorce went into default. In other words the divorce was “No contest” which means I win. Anything I want I get. She didn’t contest to anything, and can’t contest anything. She left the ball in my court. Remember when I said she doesn’t think things through? So I got a shit load of paper work from the court house, filled it out, listed ALL of the things I get and the things she gets, and saw the judge.

The judge was really nice. I explained my story with photos, bank statements, and mortgage statements. He then asked me if my papers had a timeline as to when my property is to be returned to me. I replied that I didn’t think so, but I felt 30 days was a fair time frame. He then wrote in something to the effect of “All property awarded to one party but held by the other party should be returned to the owning party no later then Aug. 1st 2008.” He initialed his statement, signed off on my divorce and said “Congratulations! You’re the worlds newest bachelor.” I thanked him, shook his hand, and walked out with a weight lifted off my chest.

So Anja is right. I am looser. A lot looser. Anyone want to get a celebratory drink with me?

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I have a secret to tell you…

Posted by jim in Divorce on June 9th, 2008

Anja, Anja, Anja… You think you have me where you want me. You think the ball is in your court. You think you’ve had the last laugh. I’m not surprised. You never really think things all the way through. That was part of the problem with our marriage. Actions have consequences. For example: If you lock the corner of your apron into the time delayed safe at work, and wait for time to elapse so you can free yourself from the safe while not realizing you could simply take the apron off. Your friends are going to make fun of you… For a really long time.

On Saturday evening Anja called me and said she was “DONE!” Said that I stole her 401k and savings, that I already signed the divorce papers stating husband and wife will split everything, that she took what she wanted from the house and moved out, that my “little girlfriend” and I can move in and do what ever the fuck I wanted, and that she’s been stealing my half of the mortgage payments that I’ve transfered into the joint checking account for her to match and pay for the last few months.
What Anja fails to realize is that yes, she investing her 401k and savings into the house. Money take could be recouped. I’ve told Anja I don’t expect to receive any amount of money from the house selling. I also spent $14,000 dollars of MY money moving us up to Portland. A choice that she had 50% responsibility in making. Do I expect to see any of that money back? No. Do I blame her for us spending that money? No. But in her eyes I have stolen from her, so she must steal from me. Two wrongs make a right now a days, right?
I went to the house Saturday evening to take a look. She took damn near everything. She even took the shower rod. There was a notice on the door stating that the water has been shut off for lack of payment, and because Anja is acting in such a mature manner she took a dump in the toilet and didn’t flush. There was still water in the tank. I flushed it. Speaking of mature things… she took a lot of my tools, my surround sound system, my Les Paul guitar, and the footswitch to my line 6 amp. If she was smart she would have taken the expensive stuff like my Line 6 Flextone II HD amp (which isn’t made any more so replacing it would cost a LOT!), or my Basson 4×12 cab.
She took the water cooler that she bought me for christmas (The world’s crappiest gift ever, BTW), the blanket and pillows that my Mom bought for herself so she had something of high quality to sleep with when she would visit (We’re poor), BUT she did have 1/4 ounce of decency to leave me my High School ring that my Grandmother bought me.
Am I upset? Not really. I have the important things. I have my dog, my current and future happiness, and my passion. Things she can’t take from me. So what if the house defaults! Sure I wont be able to buy a home in the next 2 to 3 years. I’m not in the position to do that anyway. I’ve registered for school. Working full time and going to school is going to occupy all of my time. I wont have free time to kill on upgrading and maintaining a home. Nor will I have the savings for a down on a house. That’s why I’m going to school. Gotta get smart to get paid!
Here are some photos of my nearly empty house.


Oh yea… My secret. I almost forgot to tell you my secret. The divorce isn’t finalized, lawyers can be talked too, judges can be seen, and police reports can be filed… Oh wait. That last part has already been done.

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You’ve been served.

Posted by jim in Divorce on June 4th, 2008

I’m one more step towards being divorced. I went down to city hall and filed the affidavit that Anja signed stating that she excepts me serving her the divorce papers without paying a 3rd party. She has thirty days to file her documents from the date she signed that affidavit.

I tried to go yesterday to file it, but I got there late and the lines were too long. They open at 8am and I got there at 7:50am this morning. I stood in the long line to go through security check point, walked to the family law department, handed my paper to the guy there, he stamped it and said “Thanks. Thats it.” I can’t believe it was that easy.
I’m not sure what I’m required to do next. I’ll have to read up on it from the court’s website. I’m just happy this process is about half way over with.

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Almost Officially "Single"

Posted by jim in Divorce on May 14th, 2008

Yesterday after my final root canal appointment I filed for divorce. I made my way down to the Washington County Court house WAY over in Hillsboro, OR and got all of my divorce documents signed and stamped. It was a nice feeling. I’ve been worried about liability with things (mostly finical), but that all came to an end yesterday. That’s nice weight to have off of my shoulders. On Saturday Anja and I will go down and have an affidavit notarized stating that she received her divorce papers from me, and then she’ll have 30 days to file.  We still will have a 6 months cool down period after that, unless we can prove to a judge that our marriage is causing distress. We would need a note from a shrink or something. *shrugs* I guess it’ll be about 6 months until it’s official.

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I’m getting old: A look back.

Posted by jim in Divorce on April 30th, 2008

Today is my birthday. Here is some other crap that happened on April 30th.

1789 George Washington was inaugurated as the 1st U.S. President.
1803 The Louisiana Purchase became official.
1812 Louisiana admitted as 18th US state. 
1945 Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun commit suicide. 
1975 North Vietnamese Army captures Saigon, ending the Vietnam War.
1981 The Mighty Jimbizzle was cut out of the womb.
1992 After nearly eight years on the air, the last episode of “The Cosby Show” aired.
 
 
Famous people
1933 Willie Nelson (singer, actor)
1982 Kirsten Dunst (actress)
———————-
This has been a pretty amazing year. Amazing in both good and bad things. I’ve learned more about life and myself this year then I ever have. It’s funny how we, or maybe just I, learn the most from tragedy and difficult times. When you step up to the plate and make a decision for yourself and/or others you really prove your character. I may not have made the best decisions through out the entire year, but I ended this year with great ones. I can only hope that others view it the same way I do.

Pivotal learning moments in my life last year:
Got a new job
Made a few friends at the new job
Paid a visit to California
Talked with Anja about happiness after California trip
Bought a house
Remodeled a house
Dad spent a week in the hospital
Wrote some great songs (IMO. Fuck off if you don’t like’em. They make me happy.)
Asking Anja for a divorce
Put the house up for sale
On going health issues for my Dad
Found happiness

So I survived 26… Lets see what 27 has in store for me.

I leave you with lyrics from Dredg’s song “Sorry but it’s over”.

Distorted and complicated
I’m sorry but its over
Essential to awaken
I’m leaving
Here we are
That’s what it’s all about
I’m sorry but its over
To love here and to love this
I’m finally breathing

Before you go
There is something more to say
Before you go
There is something more to say

Persistent resentment
I’m sorry but its over
Seduction for destruction
I’m finally breathing

Before you go
There is something more to say
Before you go
There is something more to say
Before you go
There is something more to say

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Could we still be friends?

Posted by jim in Divorce on April 7th, 2008

Nope… I don’t think so. Even though things for the most part are civil between Anja and I, I doubt will be able to be friends. Which is ok with me. I mean… inviting the ex over for dinner with the new partner is probably in the top 5 most awkward things ever. I guess its natural for total separation to take place when getting divorced.

I first realized we couldn’t be friends last week. Anja has been battling herself on what to do with our dog Jade. She was going to keep Jade, after all, I bought Jade for Anja. Jade has been stuck at home for long periods of time lately due to Anja starting a new job father away, and a new life. I had been distancing myself from Jade and not coming around her or playing with her, because giving her up was a hard pill to swallow. Anja decided that taking care of Jade was a little too much for her right now, so I am keeping her. I haven’t been staying home at all lately, so if I was going to keep and take care of Jade she needed to come with me.
As I packed some of Jade’s things I could here Anja crying in the bedroom. Being that I don’t hate Anja and I still have an ounce of compassion left in my body I asked if she needed a hug or anything. Her response was “No offense… but not from you.” Friends console each other, right? She asked me before if we still could be friends… I said I was ok with that. I guess she feels differently about us being friends now. I’m ok with that too.

,

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Life status update

Posted by jim in Divorce on March 13th, 2008

So, as I last posted I have a lot going on. About a month ago I told Anja I wanted a divorce. This was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It’s not like I hate Anja or she did something to hurt me, I just haven’t been happy. It hurt to see her so upset. In fact I dreaded coming home, because I would see her in pain. So here we are. Not in the best of situations. Just bought a house, have a bit of combined debt, and all the emotion that comes with a break up.

The good news is that things are going pretty well. Anja seams to be doing pretty well. We’ve been hanging out with our respective friends. She has big plans that include a new job, and moving about an hour south of Portland. It makes me happy to see Anja happy again. She’s almost back to the old Anja. The Anja that stole my heart over 7 years ago. I know things aren’t going to work. We’re not going to get back together, but it’s nice to see her smile again. Nice to see the twinkle in her eye. She deserves to be happy as do I.

I think we both just got comfortable and stuck in our routines. We grew up together. I’ve spent my entire adult life with her. Things Change… People Change… We’ve Changed. I think this is the best thing for myself and for us. I hope Anja will one day see it as such too.

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